Sometimes, You Just Need a Chuckle

I love e-mail! One of the benefits is all of the truly funny material that gets passed around. Stuff we never used to find or hear or see on TV. I love humor, sarcasm, irony, puns and jokes.  

“A day without smiling is a day wasted.” I have that little cookie fortune taped to my computer monitor. Actually, I have a number of fortunes taped to my screen. When I was President of RCEA, I used fortunes as the basis for several speeches to the Red Clay school board. Hey–it worked for me.

So, here is what came in today’s mail. Clever and provocative and FUNNY! 

paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect., and asked for forgiveness., and beat you with experience.., it’s still on my list.only who is left.

> I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So, I stole a bike

> Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level

> I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car

> The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But

> If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong. 

> We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

> War does not determine who is right

> Knowledge is recalling that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

> Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening,’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

> To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

> A bus station is where a bus stops.  A train station is where a train stops. Some people call my desk is a work station,…

> How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

> Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw fish to them.

> A bank is a place that will lend you money. But, first, you have to prove that you don’t really need it.

> I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

> Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars in the sky, but feel the need to check when you say the paint on the door is still wet?

> A clear conscience is usually the sign of a failing memory.

> You do not actually need a parachute to skydive.  You only need a parachute to skydive more than once. cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.

> The voices in my head may not be real, but, damn,  they have some good ideas!

> I discovered that I will probably scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

> Some folks

> I used to be indecisive.  Now I’m not so sure.

> You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

> To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and then call whatever you hit the target.

> Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

My favorite is the one about wisdom.

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3 Responses to Sometimes, You Just Need a Chuckle

  1. Jan Gantzhorn says:

    You would have gotten along well with my Gram-she had a saying for everything. One of my favorites of hers was “He’s the kind that would come for the wedding and stay for the christening.” My all-time favorite of hers though was “Many a time a man’s mouth broke his nose”. I will be checking your blog for bits of wisdom. I’m sure I’ll be finding some now and again.

    • get real says:

      And the two I have posted in my classroom……………..
      “Blank is always wrong”
      “Common sense is not so common”

      Thanks for the chuckles…………………

  2. fsjenner says:

    Oooo. I like that: Blank is always wrong.

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